Understanding & Reasoning with Toddlers Part 2

You have 30 minutes to get your 2-1/2-year-old dressed, fed, and in the car. You start to take off her pajamas, but she insists, "Me do it!" You watch as she struggles to get the top over her head, her frustration mounting. She refuses your offer to help: "No, me do it!"

You think: "Aaaaargh!"

She thinks: "I know I can do it!"

Whereas infants have no sense of themselves as separate individuals, toddlers are newly aware of, and eager to test, their autonomy. "This push for independence is a good thing, though it can be frustrating for the parents," assures Pamela High, MD, director of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Hasbro Children's Hospital, in Providence, Rhode Island. "You want your child to become self-sufficient, even though in the moment you want to get them out the door," she observes. If you can surrender to the reality that everything takes longer with a toddler -- bathing, dressing, eating, walking -- you'll take pressure off yourself and your child. "Try to start a little bit earlier," advises High. "Let your child do the parts she can do and help her with what she can't." Boost her chances for success by choosing slip-on clothes (no buttons, snaps, or zippers) and Velcro-fastened shoes. "What toddlers really want is the pride of accomplishment," observes High, "so look for ways to let them experience that."

The Bully

The scene: Your 20-month-old whacks another child on the head with a plastic shovel and grabs the pail out of his hands. The child erupts in tears, while your little bruiser happily sets to work on a sandcastle. Mortified, you rush over, reprimand your child, and insist that he return the pail and apologize. Instead, he clings to it and wails, "Mine!"

You think: "Is 2 too young for reform school?"

He thinks: "I want the pail!"

Toddlers are intrinsically egocentric, explains Klein. Until about age 3, children believe that they are the center of the universe and that everyone else thinks so too. "It really is all about them," says Klein. "Toddlerhood is the celebration of me."

Fortunately, by age 3 most children will develop greater sense of empathy. Meanwhile, if your tot insists on grabbing for another child's toy, it's probably best to remove him from the situation. Don't ignore aggression. If your toddler strikes another child, get down on his eye level and say something like, "Look, he's crying, it hurt when you hit him," advises Klein. This is how to teach children about feelings, so that by the time they're 3, they won't want to hurt others."

Go to www.parents.com for more details.

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